it's "deja vu all over again..."

My youngest daughter has been here for several weeks for her summer vacation from high school in Israel. She is leaving in two days. My middle daughter was here for three short weeks, and is now in another state staying with her older sister, brother-in-law, nieces and nephews for an even longer time (I am so mad and jealous), and leaving for Israel from there. I am already anticipating the leave-taking and I am feeling this heavy sense of grief, all over again. I am missing my middle daughter so much, and now have to go through this again with my youngest. My younger son was here for Pesach, and my oldest I haven't seen since Dec. 2005, when I was in Israel for my first visit in twenty-four-plus years. Maybe to some people eight months isn't a long time, but it is to me (I'm not really good at this 'empty-nesting' stuff).
In addition, my Uncle Y----- (he is 75 עמו"ש but you could swear he is 35 when you hear him talking) is in Moshav N-------, and my Aunt L--- (-who just turned ninety-three עמו"ש!) is in a Bet Avot in Yerushalayim, not to mention her children-my cousins-and my Uncle's kids and their kids who are in various places around the country. And that's only family, not even mentioning friends (whom I have from the Golan to the Gush. Used to have friends in the Negev, but they moved to the Golan!) I don't think I can live like this much longer. Our plans for aliyah aren't jelling for a while yet - my husband says the company isn't quite ready to shell out the extra $$$ it would take - it could be years.
I feel we're too old to wait years; don't know how many we have left...
Just had to get this off my chest; my own personal קרב . I suppose what I am looking for is, empathy? or maybe, winning the lottery - that way I could go immediately and buy a place. Hasn't happened yet.

Comments

aliyah06 said…
well, my husband is 60 and I'm getting up there myself--I, too, was haunted by the omigosh-we're-getting-too-old-to-do-this feeling, but since I've arrived, I've met people considerably older than me who have successfully transitioned late in life. Do the one thing I didn't do--get fluent in Hebrew. If you have fluency and financial security, you'll be fine at any age. Good luck!
10:39 AM
Lady-Light said…
תודה עבור הערתיך! עברית לא הבעיה, אלא המצב הכספי שתמיד היה ונמצא עד היום הזה על הפנים!
[I hope your computer can read Ivrit. To make sure, go to 'view' in the top toolbar, scroll to 'encoding' and click on "Hebrew(Windows)]" . Thanks for your comment; I will visit your site shortly...
8:30 PM
socialworker/frustrated mom said…
It's hard when you know you have to say good bye in the near future. Enjoy the time with them.
8:18 AM
Regina said…
One of my favorite quotes is... "Sometimes you just have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down..."
I wish you much leaping and building of wings for your aliyah, Lady-Light.
11:48 AM
Lady-Light said…
SWFM: yes, it certainly is; she already left, and I am now feeling bereft (poetic, no?)
RCJ: great quote, for a twenty-something year old. That (unfortunately) isn't me anymore...gotta be practical at my age...but thank you so much for the thought!
9:29 PM
the sabra said…
rob a bank
3:06 AM
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